The Wheel of Consent® and Social Justice (by Carmen Leilani)

“What are the tyrannies you swallow day by day and attempt to make your own, until you will sicken and die of them, still in silence?”
– Audre Lorde

One of the first things I ever heard Betty say, something that hit me right in the heart, was “From before we learned to speak, we are trained to go along with things we don’t want. We are conditioned to believe that what is happening is more important than how we feel about it.”  From this I learned that we change how we feel to adapt to discomfort, indignations, violations.  We learn to...

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Slowing Down to Receive During Difficult Times (by Robyn Dalzen)

Dear Community,

I hope this finds you happy and healthy at home. Our current reality is looking very different from the world we were living in a month ago, and I imagine your life has been turned on its head. Mine certainly has!

What are you needing right now? Are you able to ask for what you want and need during these turbulent times? For many of us, asking for what we want was a challenge long before this crisis hit, and I imagine this has been exacerbated in recent weeks as past traumas flair up, there is an air of fear and uncertainty, and we are all scrambling to meet the basic needs...

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The Wheel of Consent, Simply Explained (by Rupert Alison)

Thank you Rupert!

You can see the original here: https://www.artofconsent.co.uk/wheel-of-consent-explained


Dr. Betty Martin’s Wheel of Consent® is a cutting edge model of consent which distinguishes between the ‘doing’ aspect of an interaction: who is doing? – and the ‘gift’ aspect: who is it for?  Asking these two questions together creates four dynamics of interaction, each of which has a different flavour, and requires a different type of consent agreement to be made. This is the central insight of the Wheel of Consent,...

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Can you play with the Wheel by yourself?

This is a question that came up recently and I’d like to answer it.

The Wheel of Consent is a diagram of what happens when 2 (or more) people make an agreement about touch. It’s also more than that. It describes dynamics that occur between people who have not agreed, or who maybe think they have but their partner doesn’t think so. And it describes dynamics between groups of people, like nations. When your nation (as mine does) dominates another nation or group, for material gain, cheap labor, and so on, that’s described by the Wheel, mainly the shadow of it.


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Sharing the Wheel of Consent

teaching wheel of consent Apr 25, 2017

Thank you for asking about sharing the Wheel of Consent – I am thrilled that so many people are finding it useful. It’s gone around the world ahead of me!

Below – a letter from me about that, and this video. Thanks!


Please use these free hand-outs: https://bettymartin.org/download-wheel/

Another video on how to teach it: https://bettymartin.org/notes-on-teaching-the-wheel/

Thank you for asking about sharing the Wheel of Consent. I really appreciate the respect of being asked about it. Turns out there are quite a few people asking about it these days – hence...

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Sex work, Sacred Sexuality, Gender, Trust, Choices and Integrity (video)

A wide ranging conversation with Manuel Harand in Vienna. We talk about how I started on this path, what sex work means and why "sacred sexuality" is problematic, how men and women differ (in general) in exploring the Wheel of Consent, how we learn to trust, what happens when we learn to take responsibility for ourselves, and the journey of integrity.

Thank you, Manuel! Manuel’s website: www.salamanderblut.at 

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How to play the 3-Minute Game (video)

Thank you to all the friends who so generously starred in this video! (14 min.) 


Letter Size, for US

A4 size for Europe, Australia and UK


Here’s a conversation with the inventor of the game, Harry Faddis, with another description of how to play, and some thoughts on how it started and why it works. (20 min.)

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A Conversation with Harry Faddis (video)

Harry Faddis is the inventor of the 3 Minute Game – thank you, Harry!

This spring I got to finally meet Harry and we had a nice long talk about that and more. (The 3 Minute Game is what gave rise to The Wheel of Consent.)

This is the entire, meandering conversation (1 hour 10 minutes). There are some other blog posts with specific sections of it (shorter).

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